The Declaration of Dindependence

About a year and a half ago, the Catman, having exhausted all other forms of monotony, turned his attention to his nightly dinner (what he refers to as his "din", a meal on which he "sups"). On a daily basis, he would pepper everyone who stumbled into his lair with the question, "What should I have for din tonight?"

A seemingly harmless question, it was entirely impossible to answer because 1) there was no way of knowing what he had in his cupboards, and 2) the answer was always chicken and either pasta or potatoes on the side. Still, two or three times a day for a period of several months, he would ask, "What should I have for din tonight?" (or the variation, "What you thinking for a din tonight?" as a kind of segue for him to talk about his din). After a month of this, I told him that it really annoyed me when he asked me that. Then I would ask him what the point was in asking me that, and he'd respond, "It's just fun to think about." He would then pause momentarily, and say, "Maybe some chicken, and pasta for a side."

There was only so much of this I could take, so in the March of 2009 (I kid you not), I drafted a Declaration to free myself of his dinner tyranny, a Declaration of Dindependence. Believe it or not, it has worked. Although, I suspect that when he reads this it will start up again. The things one does in the name of their blog...

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one bud to be prevented from speaking of nightly dins to his other buds, and to assume among the powers of the earth, a separate and potentially equally boring topic of conversation to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle him, a decent respect to the opinions of buds all over the world requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the cease said conversation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all dins are created equal, that those created by the Catman are endowed with certain qualities, that among these are boringness, repetitiveness, and the pursuit of the trivial. — That to prevent these qualities from spilling over to other things, rules of Budship are instituted among buds, deriving their just powers from the consent of buds in general, — That whenever any one bud becomes destructive in his conversation of his nightly din, it is the Right of the other buds to prevent the first bud from speaking of such meals, and to institute a new set of rules, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to these them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Budships long established should not be changed for light and transient causes (pupets, fizzy McGeorges); and accordingly all experience hath shewn that buds are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Budship, and to provide new restrictions for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these many buds; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Budship. The history of the present Catman is a history of repeated unwanted queries and discussions of his nightly Din, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over his other buds. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world....