The Cat and the Snail

It was looking like a normal day at the the law offices of Daby and Jaby:

Catman: hewwo - you have reached the law offices of daby and jaby, we can't come to to the phone right now, and we are not real lawyers

The Catman was going over his usual laundry list of mundane activities:

Catman: put my fleece in the wash

Catman: couldn't get that buffalo sauce spot out

(Note: these two are actual separate story lines. The first involves the Catman trying to get rid of a strange smell from his fleece. The second, quite obviously, involves him spilling buffalo sauce on his shirt and his failed attempt to get it out.)

But things changed when the Foreign Correspondent learned of a more pressing and disgusting concern in the Catman's life: 

Catman:   worried my stuffing is coming out

Foreign Correspondent:  i don't know what that means

Catman: was pooping blood yesterday

disconcerting, for sure

Sadly, the Foreign Correspondent did not care to investigate the story:

Foreign Correspondent:  oversharing

Catman: :  should always be an open channel of communication

Foreign Correspondent:   --

However, he did care to provide a quick zinger:

Catman:  i'm writing my will, so let me know if there is anything you would like out of my toy chest...

Foreign Correspondent:   note: you're not dying

regards, the peanut gallery

But, the Catman also began to repeat his concerns to me:

Catman: what if i'm coming apart at the seams?
and my stuffing comes out
J: hahah I'm sure it is nothing
but it gives you something to worry about, which you like.
Catman: we'll see what comes out today
J: stop.
Catman: would like you down there when it's time for the snail to pass (Note 1: The Catman also inserted the image of a snail. Note 2: To my knowledge, the word "snail" has never been used in this context)
J: come on man

Luckily, the story has a happy ending:

Catman: all clear

A Nice Bit of Chat between the Catman and the Foreign Correspondent

Catman:  i'm here to PUMP YOU UP
Foreign Correspondent:  --
Catman:  i'd like to see you put on 20 pounds of muscle in the next month - is that fair?
Foreign Correspondent:  why on earth would i want to do that?
Catman:  you're going to need it
Foreign Correspondent:  what on earth for?
Catman:  i've arranged for you to have some sparring sessions above your current weight class
Foreign Correspondent:  you're an idiot

--

Catman:  heard about your voodoo doll this weekend
Foreign Correspondent:  what's that?
Catman:  heard you made a little doll of proscuitto and cheese
Foreign Correspondent:  closing the box again. goodbye.
Catman:  that's what j said

Farewell, Iceland

Well, your beloved 1/2 cat 1/2 guy is signing off from Iceland. It's been a pretty wild week: lava caves, snorkeling in the rift between Europe and America, eating awkwardly alone, drinking awkwardly alone, and pretty much just doing everything awkwardly. I started tonight off on a brewery tour. I met some Americans, so I went out to dinner with them, because solidarity is better than not. Things are looking up: a LOT of girls in this place (cafe oliver), and I'm already buzzed from the brewery. I talk to a couple of the girls at a table next to us, who are seemingly in a bachelorette party. Nope. Some sort of princess/super hero/terrorist/80s theme night out. Anyway, this one girl seems to be digging the cat. Turns out her name is (of course) Bjork. Well, Bjork and I talk for a good while, and the cat is feeling alright about this. Well, her friends take a picture of her and the cat, and she remarks, "don't put that on facebook!" Why you ask? Oh, because she has a boyfriend, and yes, two children. Alright. Moving on.

A couple of the girls we were with leave, and it ends up being me and this dude Naveen. We end up at this one bar, but he leaves to check on his wife. So, again, just the cat. Needless to say, all girls in a different country hate cats, and all girls in the country you're from hate cats. Go figure. All in all, kick ass time in Iceland. Flight tomorrow, so the cat is signing off.

- CM

MORNING ADDENDUM:

Rough morn. As Vic would say, "ah naaaaahhhhhh" (except he does this for the first 3 minutes of any phone call you have with him). All packed, ready to make the trip. First stop: tavern. Not even gonna drop my bags off.

And This Is Just Such A Precarious Spot

Last night I had a pretty delicious din at Vegamont -- lobster pasta in a cream sauce and my usual pint of Viking. I ended up drinking some more Vikings over at Cafe Paris at the bar, trying to look as lonely as possible. That didn't work, but I did need to call an abrupt end to the night, as something with that pasta was not sitting well. Let's just say, it's a good thing my hotel was a block away. I turned in to get some rest for my big day ahead: glacier hiking and ice climbing. Woke up in the middle of the night with that lobster pasta still flopping around in my stomach and didn't get a great night's sleep after that.

Got up for my 9am pickup, stomach still not feeling great and real tired. Had another really cool guide named Ingolfur, though. There was also a guide-in-training named Fet, and two slightly older woman, an Australian named Jade and an Italian named Sara. Took about 2.5 hours to drive down to the Solheimajokull glacier (glahs-ier) in that bumpy van. We got there, harnessed up, got fitting for crampons, and got ice picks. Walking on that glacier was pretty awesome, not too cold and the weather held off for the most part. Ingolfur and Fet found us a good wall to do some ice climbing, so we learned the basics of that. Turns out ice climbing is really difficult, as evidenced by my burning hands and forearms at the end of the climb. Ended the trip with a little sandwich, juice box, and cookie for munch, which was great considering I didn't really eat much breakfast and it was now 3 oclock. On the way back, we stopped off at Skogafoss waterfall, where I took about 1,000 more pictures, including a few of some more birds.

For din tonight, went to Tapas Barinn. Another awkward night of eating alone at the "bar." Most bars here aren't really bars, they are just randomly placed stools at the area of the counter where the waiters put stuff. The food was really good, and I accomplished my mission of eating puffin and minke whale, but I still contend that tapas is a ripoff in a major way.

- CM

"Out" and About in Iceland

J:  where you headed tonight for din?
Catman:  tapas place
icelandic tapas
so i can get puffin and minke whale
sample some things
 J:  topless, you say?
Catman:  yea
J:  men and women?
Catman:  nah - just men
J:  d - question
Catman:  ?
 J:  would you rather see a topless man or a bottomless woman?
Catman:  hahaha
who's the man?
tom jane circa filming of the punisher, then def
guy was ripped

J: that was a gay test
invented by a very famous psychologist
Catman: k

"We've Never Found Anything Living In Here, Not Even a Spider" = The Perfect Cave

Awesome day down in the lava tube and snorkeling. Got picked up at 9am by Greman (or something like that) and boarded the van. Greman turned out to be pretty great: big mustache which he called his love brush, swore a lot, had a lot of opinions about the Icelandic government. There was also a cute Icelandic girl named Thora who was doing some sort of field work for school (also, something like that). The only other guest on the tour was an older woman from Chicago. We drove out to this lava tube outside of Reykjavik, which was just a narrow entranceway in the ground. Needless to say, there were a lot of Bear quotes running through my head ("and these rocks are just so slippy," etc.). The lava cave was pretty awesome, and at the end you felt like "yea I just crawled 65 meters underground through a mother fucking lava cave."

After the cave, we got some Icelandic meat soup at the gas station (I guess that means the meat was people meat). We continued on to our next destination: snorkeling in the Silfras Fissure. The Silfras is located between the Eurasian and American tectonic plates. Got into our dry suits and took off down this little river. I had rented an underwater camera from the tour company, but that thing ran out of batteries about three photos in. At various points swimming in the 35 degree water, I thought my mouth was going to freeze off (it didn't), but all in all, it actually didn't feel that cold. Ended the day by jumping off this little rock, which was actually deceptively high. Griman took a video of me jumping in, in which he narrated. It's pretty great.

For din I went over to Icelandic Fish and Chips, a nice little establishment down by the water. I'm always very confused in these places as to how to order and what to do. Whenever I walk in a place, it always feels like that scene from the Lonely Guy (a Steve Martin movie), where he asks for a table for one, the restaurant goes silent, and the spotlight shines on him. This fish and chips was a more upscale take on the matter, but it worked, there was a lot of food, and it was relatively cheap. Headed over to Kofi Tomasar Fraenda for a couple beers after that. This place is pretty cool... just below street level, more laid back. Not much going on on a Tuesday night, so the cat is signing off early to get up for the breakfast buffet.

- CM

I Found It: Bird Lane!

Not too much to report from Iceland today. Finally managed to fall asleep around 4 or 5 am, slept until 11:30. Went peeping around town, and finally managed to cram some food down my gullet after only eating a Clif Bar on Sunday. After muttering "and this bit here is just packed with vitamins and minerals and loaded with calories," I took off to explore some more of Reykjavik. Cat's conclusion: there's not a ton in Reykjavik to take pictures of. I did stumble upon this little area teeming with birdlife. Pigeons, ducks, swans, it pretty much had them all.

For din tonight, I did my homework and set off to find this bar called Boston (naturally). I go up the stairs and hear this ominous dog bark. Mangy little black and white dog runs up to me, so that was nice. Played with the dog for a bit while I sat awkwardly trying to figure out what this place's deal was. Then the dog jumped up on this cute Icelandic hipster girl sitting at the bar. As it turned out, this bar no longer had food, so we all had a good laugh at that. Managed to find a little cafe where I could get some plokkfiskur (traditional fish stew), which turned out to be actually pretty delicious. Cute blonde girl working there, but I guess that's the norm for Iceland. That's it for today. Big day tomorrow: lava cave exploring and snorkeling in 35 degree water, so stay tuned...

- CM