Catman Takes Care of Dog

J and his friend Catman look after their bud LL's dog...

Sent at 9:57 AM on Monday

Catman: question though

LL: ya?

Catman: how much milk were we supposed to give dog?

cuz j kept saying "that's not enough milk..."

A Confused Cat

J: _____ scheduled a meeting for 10:00.
Catman: ?
J: ?
Catman: what does that mean?
J: what do you mean? it's a sentence - it tells you what it means.
Catman: ah - doesn't mean anything to me
Catman: bob ran blueberry houseboat.

An Omen of Good or Evil?

J and the Catman slowly coalesce into one being.

Catman and the Bee

Catman: bee guy excavating some rocks outside - could be cool for us to check that out
J: what do you mean - bee guy?
Catman: guy who is like a bee
Catman: is not a bee
Catman: but is like a bee
Catman: you want to check that out?
J: I guess. I dont know what you mean.
Catman: is a bee
Catman: type thing
Catman: making something out of the rocks
J: what the f are you talking about?
Catman: the bee
J: what fing bee man?
Catman: the one i saw yesterday. he's excavating some rocks.
J: I dont know what the f you're talking about
Catman: :(
J: just tell me what you want me to do
Catman: you want to see a bee?
J: an actual bee?
Catman: yea
J: sure

There's a window in the coffee station on the first floor. It's hard to see anything out of it with the fridge in the way. A couple of days ago the Catman claims he saw a bee through the window, a bee which was tunneling into some loose rocks. He explained to me that he had watched the bee fly into the tunnel, grab a rock with his front claws and then back slowly out of the tunnel - there wasn't enough space in the tunnel to turn around yet (presumably, this was one of the things the bee was working on). He said he's been going back every day or so to check on the bee and see how his tunnel is progressing.

It took me ten minutes to grasp what he was talking about (see above), and when we finally went down there the bee was gone. I asked him why he thought a bee might be building a tunnel if it already lived in a hive and he said it's nice to have some alone time sometimes.

The Catman's Surprise

Catman: got chicken salad today
J: A subscription to Chicken Salad Today, the monthly magazine?
Catman: remember when i bought that can of chicken
J: no
Catman: anyway
Catman: turns out that can makes enough for two sandwich
Catman: so that's great news
J: Is that their feature story this month?
The Catman: yea
The Catman: anyway, i'll be munching on that today
The Catman: i wanted to tell you now so you won't get freaked out later

Charting a new course in Catland

There's no doubt the fantastical world that J and the Catman exist in is large, but is it infinite? There has been a great deal of debate on it, but after today, I think we can safely conclude it has bounds. For your reading pleasure, I present Centaur Dave.

J: if Centaur Dave existed I would hop on his back and ride into the sunset right now.
Catman: haha
J: I'd always ride him bareback
J: barebutt on bareback
J: Centaur Dave represents absolute freedom to me
Catman: --

After lunch:
J: Have you seen Centaur Dave around here?
J: I think I may have left him untethered
J: Where is Centaur Dave?
Catman: nah
J: You don't like Centaur Dave much?
J: d?
Catman: ?
J: You don't like Centaur Dave much?
Catman: nah

J and the Catman Present: Iceberging

The following post was inspired by the recent viral-marketing-campaign-slash-drinking-game known as icing. It turned a totally lame drink into something all the kids want to drink. Imagine what you could do with vegetables.

Okay, so you're hanging with a bud, watching the World Cup, when he tells you he's gotta grab something from the fridge. With all the cat hair in the air, and the sound of the vuvuzelas blaring, you don't even notice that he didn't ask if you wanted anything. But when he comes back in, he's smiling like crazy. Something is up - he doesn't smile unless he's scared, or he's plotting something. Then you notice the head of lettuce.

"You just got iceberged," he proclaims.

Son-of-a... That bastard. How are you going to be able to eat a whole head of lettuce, you ask yourself. But those are the rules. You've got to do it. No dressing, nothing. Just leaf after leaf. Even that hard brown bit at the bottom. Your bud is going to love watching you struggle through this.

Suddenly, you're reaching for your backpack. Your hands are moving on their own, and to be honest, you're a little freaked out. But when you pull out your own head of lettuce, his mouth drops. You've reversed his Iceberg. He'll have to eat both heads of lettuce now.

Amidst all the floating cat dander, you sit back coolly in your chair, and think to yourself, "now, is there a cat in here or what?"