Job Opportunity: Catman Seeks Errand Boy

Catman: i need someone to run errands for me

Foreign Correspondent: what errands?

Catman: the things i need done

Foreign Correspondent: like what? You don't do anything

Catman: that's laughable

Foreign Correspondent: except for goto the gym and cook chicken - you want an errand boy to go to the gym for you?

Catman: learning all new gym routine, 2 classes, dating

Foreign Correspondent: and what of those things could be done by an errand boy?

Catman: i've got to take care of some catbuds

Foreign Correspondent: still not seeing how someone to run errands for you would help

Foreign Correspondent: So, for a job list for your errand boy, we currently have

1) Take care of a couple of catbuds

2).....

what other responsibilities would this person/catfan be taking over?

Catman: someone has to take notes for my memoirs

Foreign Correspondent: what else would your helper do?

Catman: eat a piece of cake

While the job offers its challenges, there are clear benefits, such as eating a piece of cake (time to be specified later). If you have the technical skills required for such an undertaking and are actually a boy, send a cover letter and resume to groodbud@gmail.com. Note: to avoid confusion, please specify the job title in the header, as the Catman is also seeking a Sex Slave.

A Ringing in the Catman's Ears

Catman: worried i might have f'ed my ears

J: ?
Catman: worried i might have tinnitus
J: eeee
Catman: crazy though, affects 1 in 5 people
Catman: i actually should probably go to the doctor
Catman: Low-pitched ringing. Conditions that can cause low-pitched ringing in one ear include Meniere's disease. Tinnitus may become very loud before a vertigo attack — a sense that you or your surroundings are spinning or moving.
J: yeah -- you've had vertigo before, right?
Catman: i guess that's what it was
J: your dizzy spells
Catman: ha
J: ?
Catman: don't be an f'ing turd
J: ?
J: thats what they are called
Catman: mocking me
Catman: is called being a turd
J: hmm - you might have turditis too
J: tell your doc to check for that
J: it's when a fleck of turd gets into your brain
J: and the blood gets turned into turd water
J: check to see if the white of your eyes have taken on a light brownish color - that's one way of testing for it
Catman: i'm going to pound you
J: i'm just curious
J: turditis can be a serious illness
J: one of its symptoms is being mean to your buds
J: have you experienced anything like that recently?
Catman: you were being rude to me
J: you were dizzy - you had dizzy spells
J: that is vertigo
J: couldn't come to work
Catman: i guess
Catman: no
Catman: that was when i was actually sick
Catman: and turned it into a  joke
Catman: because one of my symptoms was dizziness
J: it was your only symptom
Catman: no
J: I asked you if it was okay to write that an all staff e-mail saying you were too dizzy to come to work
J: and you said yea
J: you were a good cat back then
J: you weren't so ratty with others
Catman: ha - your'e always ratty with me
J: :)

Spider!

Catman: hlep

J: wont always be there to hwlp
Catman: help
J: this is a test of the J broadcasting system
Catman: help
J: you've reached the JBS
Catman: comeon
J: all our operators are busy
J: please stay on the line
J: and someone from JBS will help you when they become available
Catman: conmeon

Minutes Later

Catman: that spider may be gone, but the memory of it remains

Bad News from Outside of Catland

It's been a slow week for news in Catland, where the main story has been, "ooo should I take this computah class or this computah class, or should I take this computah class and the other computah class. And "hey, what's a computah again? And how's it gonna help me make these pizza pies?" That all changed this morning, when close friend to YDG, Groozebud, reported the following tragedy:

Groozebud: bad news - mimring is missing
J: stolen?
Groozebud: just his wings in the box. his body is gone
Groozebud: you wouldnt have stolen him?
J: Imagine the creature you could build with mimring's body and karnak's wings... he'd reign terror over all heroscape terrains. There'd be no stopping him.
Groozebud: J, theres no character called karnak
don't be stupid
J: yeah -- I froze up
what's the other one called - the other dragon?
Groozebud: you think they're all dragons, dont you?
in fact, mimring is the only dragon - which is why its so terrible that his body is missing

There are several competing theories: the first is that the Big Fella, a mysterious figure who occasionally posts on YDG's comment boards, stole the figurine out of a general disgust for all dice with more than six sides. The second is that Groozebud, who had just taken out a large insurance policy on the figure (see Mimring's stats below; the "fire line special attack" alone is valued at nearly .0001 grand), did it to cash in. Feel free to discuss these and other theories in the comment section.

Cat Attack!

There were conflicting report on the severity of today's Cat attack. While the event, as I heard it, seemed like a well-contained, moderately polite affair, our foreign correspondent received a scarier, more deranged take.
Mine first:

J: catman?
Catman: hang tight - nervous breakdown
Catman: destroying everything in my office
Catman: will be done in a mome

The foreign correspondent's version of events:

Catman: Nervous breakdown commencing in 3... 2... 1...
Catman: Jasmin green tea
Catman: honey in it
Catman: honey bear
Catman: honeyhoneyhoney
Catman: WATER BUFFALO

The Irony of the Lonely Cat

After a month of fun and romance followed by a month and a half of anxiously pacing around his kitchen, the "Catlove Affair" has officially ended today. Alas, the Catman's quest to find true love, a love which burns greater than a well-insulated Bear Grylls endorsed winter jacket, would appear to be never-ending. Perhaps it's his quixotic thirst for perfection that keeps him ever-twirling in circles around the toilet bowl of life. Or maybe it's his cat-like penis? Alas, another dream dashed - and yet, even as the Catman slinks back to his room for a night of dreamless sleep, you can't help but feel a palpable sense of optimism, for the true lonely cat is the cat who still dreams.

Your daily cat quote:

Catman: lets get a hug

Catman: and really drive it home

The Cat Came Back

After a five-month break, America's favorite funny little catman is back. At the moment, he's shaking off the snow from a two-week vacation "up north", which consisted entirely of receiving a Bear Grylls Survival Jacket for Christmas, which he routinely wears around his apartment as he frets about whether or not to keep it. On the one hand, the jacket is extremely warm; on the other hand, it's already seventy degrees in his apartment, presumably the only place the jacket will ever be worn. 

Stay tuned to see how this plays out and welcome back to Your Daily Groodbud, home to the original Catman 20/20 Flash.